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I hate when I can never do the right thing.

Fuck this week. What a way to end my life as a teen.

THANKS FOR ALL CRASHING DOWN AT ONCE WORLD. FUCK YOU.

Frustrated

I can’t explain how much I would love to drop kick a baby off of a seven story parking structure right now.

Beanies

Its freezing cold and I’m feel like skipping my morning jog around the block. Things are bettah. Today is going to be amazing. AMAZING DAY. This morning was already pretty good. 

“And Like I Said, They Bump Tupac”

“Rollin with the pisces homie king nicky”

WOW. So like not too many hours previous to this time I was in a state of despair. Apparently the reason I was upset (the main reason) is solvable. Its sad how much emotion I’m blocking out. Haha. I’m going to quit smoking cigarettes. I would love to quit right now and be done with them, but I know its not as easy as all that. Believe meh, I’ve tried a few times. So basically the next time I try is going to be the last time (as in I successfully quit). I am going to keep it in my mind and let my psyche mull it over and get used to the idea. I sort of have a plan.

For my twentieth birthday, I will be having an 80’s themed party. And when I say 80’s themed, I fucking mean it. Like do your fucking hair and shit status. Haha. Anywhoooo, if I don’t quit before that time, my birthday party will be the last night for me and my true love-nicotine. <— thats the plan, didn’t explain too well. Ha

At least the last time for the next ten years or so. FUCK THIS IS GOING TO BE SO HARD. MY BIRTHDAY IS HELLA DAYS AWAY AND I’M ALREADY DREADING IT. I need a cigarette. HARHAR JUST KIDDING. 

What an emotional roller coaster the last threeish days have been. I hurt. 

“I sit alone in the sun, I wrote a letter to you, I’m getting over myself”

I’m just not going to think anymore. 

THE AMAZING THREE LYRICS I USED TODAY CAME FROM (the first two) 4AM BAY BRIDGE MUSIC Andre Nickatina AND (the last one)  THIS VELVET GLOVE Red Hot Chili Peppers

I love my life I love my life.

Cruel Selfish Bitch

I have been cruel and selfish several thousand times before, and more often than not, I’m saying something bitchy. Unfortunately, today is the day all three of my worst traits came out, in rare form, to stab a person through the heart.

I’m sorry and I hate myself and I didn’t mean for it to end up like this. I hurt you by trying to protect you from being hurt. Fuck my twisted brain. It wasn’t revenge. I just didn’t know what to do and I chose the wrong path.

The stupid yellow brick road ripped out my heart, scrambled my brain and took me father away from home than I’ve ever been before. I never had courage to begin with.

I wish there was a more powerful word than sorry. I wish I could explain my devastation. I wish I had a time machine and a lot of drugs. 

Saint Patrick

Like stated under the fabulous Gaga, its been a difficult past couple of days. However, it could have been harder. A lot harder. I’m grateful that it wasn’t, and also that blink 182 is so fantastic. 

CHECK IT OUT MAYNE:

This song (Man Overboard) describes PERFECTLY how I feel at this moment. Its uncanny how spot on it is (I suggest just listening to the song)

So sorry it’s over 
So sorry it’s over 

There’s so much more that I wanted and
There’s so much more that I needed and 
Time keeps moving on and on and on 
Soon we’ll all be gone 

Let’s take some time to talk this over 
You’re out of line and rarely sober 
We can’t depend on your excuses 
Cause in the end it’s fucking useless 

You can only lean on me for so long 
Bring your ship about to watch a friend drown 
Stood over the ledge 
Begged you to come down 
You can only lean on me for so long 

I remember shots, without a chaser
absent minds thoughts, now you’re a stranger
Cover up the scars 
Put on your game face 
Left you in a bar 
To try and save face 

You can only lean on me for so long 
Bring your ship about to watch a friend drown 
Stood over the ledge 
Begged you come down 
You can only lean on me for so long 

So sorry it’s over 
So sorry it’s over 

There’s so much more that I wanted and 
There’s so much more that I needed and 
Time keeps moving on and on and on
Soon we’ll all be gone 

Man on a mission 
Can’t say I miss him around 
Insider information 
Hand in your resignation 
Loss of a good friend 
Best of intentions I found 
Tight lipped procrastination 
Yeah later 
See you around 

So thanks Tom, Mark, and Travis, for organizing the jumble of thoughts in my head and adding a super fantastic musical accompaniment for my personal enjoyment. 

Its been a hard week. Luckily I’m finding solace in Lady Gaga.